The Elements of Our Cafeteria


Barney Smith, Staff Writer

Since I entered High School in 9th grade, I’ve seen many changes in the cafeteria. I’ve witnessed and helped instigate the introduction and sell out of Strawberry Milk, I’ve seen the Snapple in cans, the Fro-Yo machine on the rare days it works. However, all of these products pale in comparison to the introduction of Snapple Elements to our cafeteria.  The reissue of the classic 1999 line has essentially divided our school in half with differing opinions flying each way. It has even changed the way we eat our lunch. After my first sip of the Rain flavored Snapple Element, I was hooked. I’d never tasted anything like it and knew from that moment there was something I wanted to investigate: What are the opinions of the Elements across our school.  I set out to interview as many students during lunch as I could, and reach a verdict about the revolutionary addition. Here’s what I found.

I started out by the entrance to the Cafeteria and walked around, and when I first found none other than Marcus Galland drinking a “Fire” flavored Snapple Element, I knew what I had to do: 

“We’re here with Marcus. Marcus, how do you feel about the introduction of Snapple Elements to our cafeteria?” 

“Snapple Elements, I think it’s a great move, I’m sure it will increase our standing among the Westchester schools, I’m really excited for our players. (Others begin to boo) Although there are some naysayers, I think it’s a good move.” 

Despite the haters and boos in the background, I was pleased with the opinion, I began to the next table where I wasn’t as ecstatic: 

“Nah bro, don’t come over here,” was Hamilton’s warm greeting. 

“Hammie, what’s up man, the people want to know: how do you feel about the introduction of Snapple Elements to our cafeteria?” 

“They’re bad, personally I think they’re trash, there is so much more we could get in stock.” 

“Thank you for your time.”


Wow, that escalated quickly., I suddenly became engulfed in a stream of Snapple Element haters, and one kid who pleaded the fifth when I asked. Luckily I had refueled with the “Fire” flavor earlier (that was pretty fire) and I was ready to face them all: 

“Lionel, how do you feel about the Introduction of Snapple Elements to our cafeteria?” 

“Well, I think Snapple Elements are trash. I worked at a convenience store in Fire Island and the only drink we didn’t sell was Snapple Elements, we had two of those [that] sat right in the fridge taking up space!” 

“How does it feel to be wrong?”


I had to set it straight to Lionel, unfortunately I don’t think I’m allowed to quote him on his reply, but I was shocked: a homie of mine going against my newfound love of the Elements.  These Elements haters were really annoying me. I mean it’s one of the greatest drinks to ever exist — they don’t understand the work that has gone into creating the Elements! Luckily I spotted some G’s enjoying some Elements, and I was happy to see my type of people: 

“Arlo! What’s up, I see you drinking “Air”, what do you think about the Snapple Elements?” 

“They’re like my favorite drink here, I love them.” 

“Me too, which is your favorite flavor out of them?” 

“The Air or Fire, the Rain’s not the best.” 

“Really, I thought the Air was kinda mid and Rain was great, but I respect those choices.” 

“Yeah they’re good.” 

“Thank you Arlo, I’m so glad you like them too, I haven’t found as many people that say that, I love them too.” 


Next I saw Aton and more G’s enjoying the Elements. I was so glad, I went up and asked again: 

“No way! I see you enjoying some Elements, what do you think about them?” 

“They’re kinda sexy not gonna lie” 


At this point I was shocked, I too loved the Elements, but he was in another market, and I didn’t know how to reply. 

“Bro what! Mans loves them elements too much.” 

“Nah, but I like them. Definitely gonna try more, but I like them.” 


At this point I was laughing quite a lot. I’m not unorthodox but that’s not really something you hear each day. With some good interviews and a smirk on my face, I then walked down the hallways. The next thing I knew I spotted Hastings’ own  Ms. Royal! I knew I had to ask her too, and get a teacher’s view on the legendary addition to our cafeteria. 

“We’re here with Ms.Royal. What are your feelings about the Snapple Elements in the Cafeteria? Have you had a chance to try them, like what do you think?” 

“I have not tried them, I like Lemon Perfect, what are Snapple Elements? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 


Lemon Perfect… really.  I knew at this point that there was no going back, I had to convert Ms.Royal to the sweet life of the Snapple Elements: 

“Basically, they’re a reintroduction of the 1999 line, and they’re all like different flavors, like Rain, Fire and Air.  Rain is my personal favorite.  They’re like a brand new reissue so it’s really exciting.  A lot of people don’t like them, but some people do, I like them, what do you think?” 

“Well I haven’t tried them.” 


After a while she agreed that she would try the Rain flavor and get back to us. Honestly I was happy with what I heard. I realized the school would be forever divided on the Snapple Elements, but that’s what makes them so special. They were never intended to be here forever, simply a dash in the long stock of our cafeteria, but they changed my life.  They’re not as coveted as the McRib, or as loved as the Sparkling Ice, but to me, Snapple Elements are something I’ll never forget. From my first sip of Rain that fateful day, to my eventual last swig, I want to thank the good people at Snapple for giving us the amazing gift of a unique new taste. As I walk out of the warmth of the Cafeteria and to the cold of the changing season, I think to myself one thing: I sure do love the Elements!